Kristen Stewart’s empty eyes, The Penguin does not approve, open letter

31 May

The Penguin has a lot of issues with celebrities.

This week, The Penguin has written an open letter to Kristen Stewart.

Dear Kristen Stewart,

Repeating yourself and stuttering is not “acting.”  The Penguin feels that you must take speech lessons to get rid of your stuttering. With practice and a good speech coach, you can get rid of it.

The Penguin thinks that you do not look dark and mysterious.  Why must you always roll your eyes?  It is not angst.  In The Penguin’s mind, your eyes appear empty.  The Penguin does not understand why you must pretend to be semi-moody.  The Penguin feels having thoughts running through your head while speaking will rid you of this problem.

The Penguin feels that Kristen Stewart always acts scared.  Why are you afraid Kristen Stewart?  Robert Pattinson’s new haircut is not that scary.  The Penguin thinks Kristen Stewart needs a therapist to uncover hidden fears.

The Penguin does not understand why Kristen Stewart is always sad and emo.  She never smiles.  Ever.  The Penguin thinks that Kristen Stewart needs to practice smiling in mirrors and go to a dentist if needed.

It’s a “penguin eat penguin world,” and in a world of penguin-acting, The Penguin does not approve.  Kristen Stewart, please do not ruin Twilight for The Penguin, and other penguins all over the world.

This is just The Penguin’s humble opinion.

~~~The Penguin~~


One Response to “Kristen Stewart’s empty eyes, The Penguin does not approve, open letter”

  1. thealmostawsomeblog June 3, 2010 at 3:00 pm #

    LOL! I hate Kristen Stewart! lol….she “acts” way too much with her eyebrow wrinkle.

    Kristen Stewart happy – *wrinkles eyebrow and shakes head*
    Kristen Stewart sad – *wrinkles eyebrow, shakes her head and will half heartedly raise one of her hands to possibly fix her hair….or just touch it*
    Kristen Stewart mad – *wrinkles eyebrows slightly more and purses lips*


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