Irritated by Serial Texters, HELLO I’M RIGHT NEXT TO YOU!

19 Oct

Something that has really annoyed me in the past year has been serial texters. I can’t stand it when people text while I am talking to them or standing right next to them. Many of them appear to have a compulsion with checking their phones. It drives me crazy. When I hang out with people, they should pay attention to ME! (and whoever else is with us) NOT other people in the digital realm. I know I’m not boring, and I’d much rather not resort to doing/saying something crazy to make them focus on me again (“WEEEEER GOIN STREAAAKINNG”).

PLEASE people, put down your phones when you are with others. It’s totally rude. And nature is nice.
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How to Master the Art of Sleeping during the day (or night)

17 Oct

If you are a slacker, college student, or workaholic, then you have most likely felt the need to take a nap in the middle of the day. Some people have issues falling asleep in the middle of the day, so they are unable to catch up on their “sleep debt.”
There is a SOLUTION.
Buy a SLEEPING MASK! They will block out the light that lets your brain know it’s daytime. Additionally, after a few uses, you will learn to associate the sleeping mask with SLEEP. Thus, every time you wear it, you will fall asleep like a baby.

The same solution applies if you have issues falling asleep at night. Normally, at night, your brain produces high levels of melatonin to help you fall asleep. If you have problems sleeping at night, then buy MELATONIN; an over-the-counter supplement to help promote sleep. Be sure to follow the directions on the supplement’s bottle to avoid forming a dependency on the supplement.

If you are regularly tired, even though you are getting enough sleep, then add exercise into your daily routine.

Sweet dreams!

Burger King Creeper Guy

3 Sep

Would you let this man near your children?
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Info:
Name: the “Marvelous Magical Burger King”
Looks: red-bearded, victorean-era king
Occupation: Rules the Burger King Kingdom, performs “tricks” for kids in old 70s commercials

-Known to have 1-2 child companions.
-Gets a little too close with children in his “Magical Kingdom” (IS THAT A EUPHEMISM FOR PANTS?).
-Has a creepy mustache.

The King is a pervert (WHERE have we heard THAT before??).
“WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW?”
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Justin is a saaaaaad Bieber :'(

30 Aug

When Justin sings, it´╗┐ looks like he is crying.

Why so sad, Bieber?

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Who’s da bitchiest DC Housewife? KAT

29 Aug

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Kat is by far the most annoying Housewife I have ever seen on any of the “Housewives” shows. She is rude and very in-your-face. She gets invited to events and proceeds to belittle the hosts.
She picks at every minor thing at hosts’ events. For example, the grapes at the Salahi vineyard appeared to be “store bought” and not off of a vine. WHO THE FiretrUCK cares???
The worst part about Kat is that she is a homewrecker. She had an affair with a married man, who left his wife to be with her. Not surprisingly, they have broken up since the airing of the show. I hope she does not reappear on Season 2.
I thought Brits were supposed to be POLITE!

Keanu Reeves + Kristen Stewart = Best Hollywood Combo Evr?

29 Aug

Some characteristics describing each star:
Keanu Reeves
-airhead
-no variation in voice
-attractive
-long eyelashes
-blank stare

Kristen Stewart
-stutter
-mumbles a lot
-blank stare
-not very “deep”

What would happen if Kristen Stewart and Keanu Reeves had bebes? They would have very beautiful, yet empty-minded children.
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Need SAT writing help? Greatest fake books ever.

15 Aug

For those who aren’t aware, the SAT essay does not require the use of examples from REAL books. If you need some fake book ideas, check out this list. Just add the fake name of the author “John Weatherbee” (or a better fake name) and you are good to go:

1. Driving Defensively with Al Sharpton
Al Sharpton will teach you all you need to know in order to sue the racist a$$holes who think they own the roadway.

2. Running Pond Summer
A coming of age novel about 14 yr old Johnny Macavoy, who learns what it means to be a real man.

3. Stories of Busville
All about Frederico’s crazy shenanigans done to p!ss off the bus driver, on the way to and from high school every day.

4. Gagagasms and Discosticks
An in depth examination of evidence proving that Gaga really has a “discostick.” Provides interesting evidence regarding Gaga’s superfans, who have undergone extreme surgery (including adding discosticks) in order to pretend they are her during interviews.

5. Abe Turner’s Winter In Birmingham
Abe Turner, a 45 yr old recent divorcee, moves to Birmingham to start his life anew, in a strange town where ghosts are rumoured to lurk at night.

6. You Like Curry, I Like Orange Juice
Annie Josephine goes on a study abroad trip to India, where she meets Palash, and learns more than she ever imagined about Indian culture.

7. Adventures of Boots and Pie
Can a 17 yr old Asian Warlord learn what it means to defend his family’s honor before it’s too late?

8. Truth is Limited
Criticism of the hypocrisy and poor reporting found in today’s journalism.

9. Tell Me What You Wanna Do
Craig Bronx joins a street gang, and by the time he realizes he has made a mistake, it is too late to get out.